- I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
- I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as
they go flying by.
- Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
- I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
- Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
- There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a
suitable application of high explosives.
- Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
- Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the
- Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the
first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
- I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I
thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
- My reality check bounced.
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
- I don't suffer from stress, I'm a carrier.
- You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut
- Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz, like, you are
- Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
- Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then
beat you with experience.
- "To err is human, to forgive....$5.00"